Tees Maar Khan - Movie Review

One of my disgusting mistakes of year 2010 was to watch "Tees Maar Khan". Probably not only mine. May be this is what Akshay Kumar thinks too, for he has said that he won't do a sequel of TMK. Perhaps the much talked about item song "Sheila ki jawani" was just not enough to pull the movie off.

The Akshay Kumar - Katrina Kaif pair couldn't do the trick due to poor story, poorer comedy and poorest acting/direction. The story is about a thief who can open any lock in this world, one who can't be caught.

The movie starts with typical hindi melodramatic "Ma" type pregnant woman enjoying old hindi movie where thieves and robbers are being chased by  the half pant clad policemen. The baby in her womb inculcates all the trickery before its born. The baby emerges to be a boy named Tabrez  aka Tees Maar Khan (Akshay Kumar) and as expected becomes the biggest thief ever. He manages to fool two idiotic intelligence agents (Mukherjee and Chatterjee who later turn to be gay. Why was this required?) and escape. The movie proceed and so does the introduction of dumb, irritating and stupid characters. From Akshaye Khanna, the maniac Oscar craving actor, to the three assistants of Tees Maar Khan. Every now and then the assistants declare in chorus "Khano mein khan , tees maar khan". Katrina Kaif has been nothing more than a prop. Like a fly on a stinking dung cake. Except for two dialogues "Main aur makeup lagake aati hoon" and "Dirty dog" she's hardly audible. Askshaye Khanna plays the role of Oscar hungry actor. He vows for anything and everything that promises him an Oscar. Raghu and his twin brother from MTV Roadies (yes the bald guys who take sadist pleasure in  psyching out poor contestants) play a two in one combo pack funniest villain.

Tees Maar Khan is called in to steal 10, 000 kilograms of antiques for the twins, confiscated by the police. He pretends to be a director from Hollywood and convinces superstar Aatish Kapoor, played by Akshaye Khanna, to work with him promising him an Oscar. The crew starts shooting for a fictitious film in a village. Tees Maar Khan tricks the innocent villagers to steal the antiques from the police.

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The movie lacks every aspect that is required to pull crowd apart from the item song. It neither has a story, nor sensible comedy. Mindless comedy exemplified. Budding and existing directors should see this movie to understand how not to make a movie. Farah Khan should do what she can do best, choreography. Pathetic direction and presentation made the movie difficult to bear. Every character seemed to be fed with a potion which makes them deliver nonsensical performance.

If you are excited about "Sheila ki jawani", I would suggest better watch the song on Youtube than watching the movie. And by the way, those who follow Facebook and have come to know that the name of Katrina in the movie is Sheila Kejwani, you are mistaken. Her name is Anya Khan.

TMK is not worth watching even with a free ticket. This movie is really torturous and no one with sane senses would find this movie worth watching.

I would rate it as 1/5 merely because of the entertaining "Sheila ki jawani" item song.

Death of a smiling face

A news channel last night was forecasting a piece of news. Among the pile of news that they served one  caught my attention and made me think.

A state government has published a big banner vocalizing its laurels and greatness. The banner talked about the efforts the government has taken in the agricultural sector of the state. The banner showed a smiling farmer indicating the development in the rural and agricultural household. The government claimed that the work that they have done for the people have brought happiness among the families.

But the irony was hidden. The smiling farmer,the man who served as a model for the big banner campaign is dead. He had committed suicide a year before this banner was published. The smiling face no longer exists.

This has given rise to a new row in the state politics. The political parties were too prompt in cross accusations and blame game. To stir the already muddy political environment, the oppositions accused the state government of negligence and false acclaims. The state government tried defending their positions saying that it was just a depiction of the effort that the state government has put in. The state government made no delays in declaring a compensation for the family of the "celebrated" farmer.

What did the farmer think before he died? Would he have ever imagined that his smiling face would earn his family  some compensation after his death? That his smiling face would bring down political fights among the parties in the state? That his smiling face would be flashed on a national media?

The answer is probably , "No". The death of a farmer is hardly ever noticed unless baked in the media flash lights. Sad but true !!!

Watch out...

Last night while I was unstrapping my wrist watch, I smiled, then giggled. Some old dusty memories peeped somewhere from childhood.

Wristwatch, or anything worn on the wrist for that matter, are of great fascination to children, girls especially, and I was no exception.

Initially  it used to be a wristwatch drawn on my 4.5" circumference wrist with colorful ball pens. I remember, most of the time, it used to be a square or a rectangular dial wristwatch with smudged markings. The straps never met at the hind side of the wrist. A bath and the wristwatch would be washed. Then a new wristwatch, though very similar to the previous one.

It was summer holidays then. I was in class 4 or 5 or may be in neither. Time for my annual visit to my grandma's place. Time for mouthwatering mango pickles and juicy litchi (slurp...a post on it may be some time). My grandma always wanted to see us the best dressed. I wore the best frock ( a red colored chiffon frock with yellow and blue flowers), green beaded necklace, a wristwatch. This time it was white plastic wristwatch. Someone, must have been my uncle or may be dad, got it for me. Time was never a concern, because the watched pointed 10:10 every time. But who cares about time. The watch had holography in the dial which was the prime attraction. Tilt your hand, you see 10:10, tilt it the other way, you see "Madhuri Dixit".Isn't that awesome? I used to keep on flaunting my wristwatch all through the journey to my grandma's place. While other kids around me used to look at it with envy, grown ups never bothered. It gave me a feeling of "Ahhh...I have the best wristwatch...Everyone's watching". The wristwatch didn't last for long. Soon its charm faded and it was thrown.

I was in class 8, I nagged my father to get me wristwatch. This time, just not for flaunting (yes that too) but to watch out for time. He got me a wristwatch which had digital digit display. The watch was not that costly and attracted a rude comment from a classmate, "Where did you get this from? Footpath?". I cried. I was hurt. She had a brown strapped golden colored quartz wristwatch which had three ticking hands, invisibly tagged "Expensive and Elegant". My watch as expected didn't last long. It's digital display started eating up parts of the digits and soon displayed nothing.

Next I got a quartz watch with ticking hands. I was in class 12 then. A black dial black strap watch. It looked magnificent. It counted every minute as I wrote the crucial exams of my life. It lasted for a year though.

I got two more watches after that. One of them, as usual stopped while the other is still working.

My marriage, got me four watches. Titan all of them. A normal Titan, a Titan Sonata, a Titan Raga, a Titan Raga Diva (Bridal Collection). Three kept safely in my cupboard while one of them accompanies me wherever I go.

Small things that make a part of our life - a wristwatch. Every one has some or the other thing which though small, has a story of it's own.